Bad Blurb Tuesday!

To kick off a new weekly segment, Bad Blurb Tuesdays, let’s take a look at my off-the-cuff try at a jacket-copy blurb for Thirteen Reason’s Why. Then we’ll make fun of it and I’ll cry a little (not really) before revealing Jay Asher’s real blurb.



FIRST though, you all do know about Thirteen Reason’s Why being made into a movie staring Selena Gomez, right? RIGHT?!?!

I'm not a witch.  I only play one on tv.

Ignoring the fact that I watch more episodes of Wizards of Waverly Place than can possibly be healthy for one human being,* I love Selena and can’t wait for this movie.  Oh! Oh!  Logan Lerman might be up for the part of Clay (or so the MTV article says) and that makes me insanely happy!**

Okay, back to business, this is my attempt at smooshing all of the wonderfulness that is 13RW into a few paragraphs:
 
Clay Jensen finds a box on his porch filled with tapes.  When he plays the first one, Hannah Baker's voice comes out of the speaker like the ghost of a dead girl.  Because she is--a dead girl. 
 
Hannah committed suicide before Clay found the courage to tell her he had a crush on her.  Now, here she is, telling him he's one of thirteen people--thirteen reasons why she killed herself.
 
 
So, what do you think?  Let's tear it down.
 
Clay Jensen finds a box on his porch filled with tapes. So??? When he plays the first one, Hannah Baker's voice comes out of the speaker like the ghost of a dead girl. Because she is--a dead girl. Oh, this is one of those ghost books - the girl comes back and he tells her he loves her, she confesses that she always loved him too, but they can't be together...because she's dead.  I get it.



Hannah committed suicide before Clay found the courage to tell her he had a crush on her. Now, here she is So she's one of those corporeal ghosts that people can see..., telling him he's one of thirteen people--thirteen reasons why she killed herself. Wait.  What?

You are so dumb, Jamie.  I'm trying not to eye roll.

I can't believe the people at Razorbill refused to use my blurb on the back of the book!  For sure it's better than this one, right?  RIGHT?!?

The Real Blurb from Jay’s MySpace page: 
 
The rules are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: You listen. Number two: You pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy for you. (from Cassette 1: Side A)


Hannah Baker records the defining moments of the past few years of her life onto seven audiotapes. Thirteen stories involving several people at her school. She packs the tapes into a shoebox and mails them to the first person on the list. Then, she goes home to take her life.


Two weeks later, Clay Jensen comes home from school to find a box with no return address leaning against his front door. Inside are seven audiotapes, their sides labeled 1 through 13 in blue nail polish. He has no idea what’s on the tapes, which is kind of exciting…until he presses play.


With Hannah’s voice as his narrator, Clay spends the rest of the night wandering through town, visiting places mentioned on the tapes, unearthing the thirteen reasons why Hannah chose to kill herself.


And one reason belongs to him.

 
Fine.  This one's better.  Like 10 million times better.  It's got a hook, it's clear and compelling.  Heck, I'm going to read it again when I get home today.

Have you read our interview with Jay from a LONG time ago pre-GotYA when we were still Old People Writing for Teens?  If not, check it out HERE.




*Disclaimer - I have a 7 year old and an 8 year old. I'm allowed to watch Disney. ALL. THE. TIME. I think it's required of me, in fact.

**See above. It applies to Percy Jackson movies too.