Querying love

I really enjoy querying.

I know to some that sounds crazy, but I do. I get that itch to send out queries fairly regularly when I'm working on a book. I just finished my third, which is on its way to betas, and I'm itching to hit send five times on that query. And right now...my query sucks.

I enjoy getting e-mails from agents, even though the pattern has been mostly rejections. I squee when I have a request. And I sigh when I get a rejection.

But there is something edgy about the process. I can't explain it, but it may be that deep-down part of me that knows the right agent for me is out there and when the stars align, I'll have an offer.

Now, I don't want to be misunderstood here. I've been depressed and upset and felt like quitting too many times to count. There have been times when I wanted nothing to do with writing. Times when I wanted to chuck it all and never type another word. Those times are very real, but have passed for me. I figure they will come back again. Even after an agent, and a book deal or five book deals. I may be eighty years old wanting to burn it all one day. But one thing has remained constant for me. My writing buddies who tell me to keep going. I hope you have that in your life.

Good luck on your path!

Flashback Friday: The Best of Both Worlds: Soothing the Query and Submission Angst!

Welcome to Week Fifteen of Flashback Fridays where the old and new collide on everything from books to movies to first loves to favorite vacations. This week on Flashback Friday it's the *cues Miley* Best of Both Worlds!! Okay, maybe not. If you're suffering from querying or submission angst, there's a little something for both of you in Querying Through the Movies and the Soundtrack to Submission.


Ah, the “Q” word—the word that strikes fear and loathing into unagented writers everywhere. The dreaded query. Books are written about how to write the perfect one, agents blog about the right and wrong way, and writers spend hours and shed blood and tears in places like Query Letter Hell over in Share Your Work on Absolutewrite.

Well, this isn’t another “How To Post”….instead it’s a look at querying through some famous movie quotes. So cue the theme to Chariots of Fire as we take a stroll through film.

“May the Force Be With You”—Star Wars
Whatever your own personal beliefs are, you are going to have to cling to something to make it through the query game unscathed. Querying is not for the faint of heart, and it’s trying both emotionally and physically. You need a good support system of family and friends. Writing buddies are extremely helpful because of the old “been there, done that” adage.

“If You Build It, He Will Come”—Field of Dreams

You’ve written your literary masterpiece—toiled long hours, edited, revised, and reworked. And you’re ready to send it out into the world of agents and publishers. It doesn’t matter if you’ve written the next Gone with the Wind or Harry Potter. If your query letter doesn’t shine, your book is never going to see the light of day. So, it is the hope of every query writer that they will build the perfect query letter that will interest a dream agent.

“What We Have Here Is a Failure to Communicate”—Cool Hand Luke

You’ve just fired off ten to twenty of the query to end all queries. Now it’s time to sit back and field the massive requests. But then it happens. Your inbox represents tumbleweeds blowing in the wind. Yes, it is inevitable that some agents you query will be non-responders. So, no matter how many times you refresh your inbox, potentially giving yourself Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, it won’t matter. They will simply not reply. You must resign yourself to take a couple of deep breaths and step away from the computer.

“As God Is My Witness, I’ll Never Go Hungry Again!”—Gone With the Wind

After several rejections, it’s tempting to throw up your hands and say, “As God Is My Witness, I’ll Never QUERY Again!” However, you can’t do that. You gotta persevere and keep on keeping it on! You’ll never land an agent without querying, and you’ll never land a publishing deal without an agent—unless you call go small publishing route.

“Stay Classy, San Francisco”—Anchorman

Sometimes after receiving a rejection, it’s tempting to fire off a not so “classy” response to the agent. You know a real acid filled rant about why your literary masterpiece SHOULD have been for them. But you gotta take the higher road and listen to Ron Burgundy. Yep, that’s right, STAY CLASSY!

“We’re Not Worthy!”—Wayne’s World

Yeah, I’ll admit that it’s tempting to get a little

star struck when querying. From the uber-famous agents to the not so famous, we seem to forget that agents are people, too. Just remember that you are worthy and your work is worthy to query any agent out there!

So go forth and party on, er, query!!! And GOOD LUCK!!!

Part Deux: The Soundtrack to Submission

Anyone who has been querying or on submission knows it's not an easy process. While lamenting how I was firmly set in the 7th Ring of Hell the other night, I got to thinking about how we have playlists for our books. We sometimes even have the playlists of our lives--you know those songs that meant something to us during special times and places. Well, that got me thinking of if someone were to put together a compilation cd of all the songs that relate to the agonizing process.

Here's Part One of the Cd!

(1). AC/DC's Highway to Hell: Yeah, this might seem excessive, but seriously, it would be numero uno on my list of the Soundtrack to Submission. I spent nine months on the query train a chug, chug, chuggin’ along. I seriously couldn’t imagine anything could possibly be worse, but alas, it is. Maybe it’s what querying nine months did to me in the fact that submission feels like one more hellish crusade.

(2). Queen's Under Pressure: There’s a lot of pressure in the submission process. First, there’s a race to prove yourself. Gotta sell, gotta sell, gotta sell! The sooner the better---you wanna be that person on submission a week or less before having a preempt deal or going to auction. There’s also the pressure to prove yourself to your agent. They chose you out of hundreds—maybe even thousands—of eager beaver applicants. You wanna make them proud and make them realize they were visionaries when choosing you. So besides proving it to yourself and to your agent, you also want to prove yourself to all your family, friends, critique partners etc—all those people who have supported you, loved you, allowed you to go on acidic, demon possessed rants and still talked to you, etc. It’s a heck of a lot of pressure pressing down on you!

(3). Destiny's Child Survivor & (4). Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive: You need some songs to remind you that no matter how hard and how emotionally and physically crippling the submission process might be YOU WILL SURVIVE. Sometimes I just have to put on the headphones and let Beyonce remind me that I’m not going to give up because I’m a survivor!

(5). Eye of the Tiger &
(6). Gonna Fly Now: It’s hard not to feel like a pumped up conquerer when you hear these two songs from the Rocky movies. Just hearing those trumpets in Gonna Fly Now gives you the image of Rocky Balboa working his ass off to get in shape for the big fight. I totally feel revived when I hear it, and somehow I do my own mental run up those stairs and end in a fist pump…well, not a Jersey Shore fist pump or anything like that, lol.

(7). Don’t Give Up, Never Give Up: I really love this Eagle Eye Cherry song. I first heard it in the Holes movie. It’s not just the jazzy beat of the song that I love; it’s also the lyrics. “All our dreams are gone with a loss of faith. We're still hanging on for another day. It's so hard to see that it's going to get better, and when will that be it's hard to say…..Don’t give up, never give up. We won’t stop giving all we’ve got.”

(8). Sitting in Limbo: I think this song just about sums up the most agonizing part of the submission process….the wait. When you’re querying, it’s like you hold the cards. You research the agents, you query them, and then you wait for their response. When going on submission, it’s completely taken out of your hands. Not only do you have to wait, but you have to wait on many other people to let you know what’s going on with your book. The whole song is great, but I especially love these lines:“Sitting here in Limbo waiting for the dice to roll. Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo. Still got some time to search my soul. Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance, but I know that my faith will lead me on."

(9). When the Going Gets Tough….the Tough Gets Going: Yes, the awesome 80’s beat from Billy Ocean. And it’s such a true one. To survive the submission process, you gotta be tough, and when things get really hard and you don’t think you can go on, you gotta just keep persevering.

(10). The Climb: I actually blogged about this song when I was querying. It meant a lot to me then, and it still does now. I like the idea that all the hardship of the querying and submission process will mean something in the long run. It's about keeping a dream alive even when you think it's impossible. As long as there's that little flame flickering within you, the dream can stay alive until it comes to fruition.

*******Psst, next Flashback Friday starts the Arcs of August Contest. Leave a comment on today's post, and you'll get an extra entry for the first ARC. Here's a hint: It's by a way cool author and deals with personal issues, hot guys....oh, and some angels and demons.************

Why-y-y-y

When those rejections come rollin’ in (and they do – we just hope that they come mixed in with requests) it’s really easy to get stuck on WHY. But dissecting a form rejection is fruitless, and just a tad crazy.

So here are some questions you can ask instead.

WHO – are your beta readers. While your mother, your best friend, and even your high school students may not pull any punches, they also are more likely to “get” you. They know your sense of humor, and they’re already used to the way you phrase things. Get people you aren’t close with. They’ll know if your jokes fall flat or if your voice is off.

WHAT – are you sending out. Are you following query instructions? Does your query look professional?

WHEN – will the first draft of your next book be done? You’ve started it, right? Focusing on increasing the word count of your other projects is a nice way to dilute obsessive thoughts.

WHERE – are you sending your queries? Did you check them out on P&E and the AW Bewares thread? You did put in a lot of work on your baby – make sure you’re trying to get it into the right hands.

HOW – can you improve? If you’re lucky enough to get non-form rejections, they can contain valuable advice and commentary for the next time around. You also might get a better sense of which agents to query in the future.
Thoughts? Other questions? Comments!

Rejection-YES!

From: Rejection-YES! in collaboration with Query-YES! (a division of T. H. Mafi, Inc.)

To: AGENTS

Cc: EDITORS

Bcc: WRITERS

Subject: FWD: Fwd: RE: re: Re: Rejection-YES!

>>Agents!

>>>>>Do you need to spice up your rejection letters? Are your form responses reading a bit routine and dry? Do you miss the early days of the query-system and wonder what happened to handwritten thank-you-letters and honest communication and a cyber-world without stalkers? Are you bombarded by angry authors’ saccharine-sealed syringes of verbal vitriol and vindictive verses of angst and outrage? Are you tired of writers bad-mouthing you on the internet-magic-stream-of-information??

>>Does any of this sound familiar to you??

>>If so, I’m here to tell you there is hope!

>>!!>>For the outlandishly low, low, LOW low price of ONLY $500 (as easy as a car payment!) a month, you can subscribe to Rejection-YES!, a foolproof rejection system designed to bridge the gap between alienation and acceptance. It’s a magical technique that will revolutionize the rejection-industry while simultaneously solving all of your rejection woes! No more guilty headaches! No more late-night chocolate-binges!

!!!>>>You really can have the kind of author-rejection-relationship you dream of!

>So what are you waiting for? Open up that Paypal account Microsoft Word Document and subscribe to Rejection-YES! today!

>>>>Rejection-YES! is about saying NO to the rest!!

>>>www.Rejection-YES!dotcom

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A SNEAK PREVIEW OF THE REJECTION-YES! SUBSCRIPTION:

7 WAYS TO SPICE UP YOUR FORM REJECTION:

1. Try new things. Maybe use an endearment you’d normally feel too shy to employ? Agents: Insecurity is not attractive. Writers are attracted to confidence. Don’t be afraid to say what you’re really feeling. (Examples: Snickerdoodle, Snookie, The Situation, or Spider-monkey.) Maybe even include a picture of yourself. Do something very out of the ordinary and try something new with your writer. Spontaneity breeds longevity.

2. Talk to each other about what you want. If you want more action-adventure, tell the writer. If you want more mystery and fantasy, tell the writer. If you want to spend more time reading the kissy-kissy scenes, then tell them that, too. Spend some time really talking about what you like and want, and learning about what the writer likes and wants.

3. Relax together. How much time do you spend running around doing things or working on somethingelse? How much quality time do spend with your query-letters, where you actually read each and every word? If you have kids, get a babysitter. Turn off the phone, close your bedroom door, and just let the stress and demands go for a while. (They’ll still be there later!) A great way to read query-letters is while relaxing in a hot tub or a nice bath (just put your laptop in a Ziploc bag!). Your new, calm, tranquil self will translate into an improved rejection letter, and writers will love you for it!

4. Try something new in the bedroom. Start small if you need to. Change things up just a little bit, then build on that as much as you want. Maybe move your desk closer to the window? Maybe build a newdesk? Maybe buy a new lamp? Whatever you decide to do, be sure to talk about it with your writer so you can both share what you like, or anything you might not be comfortable with. Maybe employ a code word incase one of you gets uncomfortable with the new arrangement?? It helps considerably if you’re both on the same page.

5. Don’t let yourself go. Remember when you used to write those fancy blog posts or tweet those query status updates to catch your writer’s eye or turn his/her/it’s head? Remember when you used to show up in the AbsoluteWrite forums and answer writers’ questions? Remember when you used to call writers and offer them representation all the time?? You don’t have to stop now just because you’re a serious, deal-making agent! Try all those things that you used to do, and learn some new moves as well! Get your groove back!!

6. Play games together. There are lots of contests and even intellectual games you can play together. You can create your own, purchase something else, or use ideas from other people. You can even make up your own rules with fun props! Props are the key!! (Examples: flour, books, mugs, granola bars, long-stemmed roses.)

7. Use your words. The way you talk to your writer can be a fantastic way to spice up your rejection-relationship! Instead of nagging or complaining, try complimenting and admiring. Tell them what you love about them, instead of pointing out all the little things that drive you crazy. What you focus on will expand, so focus on the things you want more of!

These are just a few ideas to get you started. But as you’ve undoubtedly deduced, spicing up your rejection-relationship does not have to be complicated and difficult. Once you try a few things, you’ll probably find that not only is it easy, but it’s also fun and enjoyable. So be prepared to make all your agent-friends wildly jealous of your new rejection-relationships!!

SUBSCRIBE TO REJECTION-YES! TODAY!!

Rejection-YES! is about saying NO to the rest!!

www.Rejection-YES!dotcom

Rejection-YES! is a sister company of Query-YES! Copyright © 2010

Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved.

Unless otherwise indicated, all materials on these pages are copyrighted by Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of these pages, either text or image may be used for any purpose other than personal use. Therefore, reproduction, modification, storage in a retrieval system or retransmission, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, for reasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibited without prior written permission. 

SERIOUSLY.

We'll hunt you down. We're not even joking a little bit.   

Query-YES! is the only way to guarantee SUCCESS! 

www.query-yes!dotcom

WHAT JANET REID IS REALLY THINKING

TOP FIVE REASONS (THERE ARE MORE) WHY JANET AND HER AGENT-POSSE-FRIENDS TURNED YOU DOWN 

(proceed with caution. this post intended for funnies only.) 

1. YOUR QUERY LETTER IS TOO PERSONAL 
1. Don’t be a shmuck.
1. You’re not best friends.
2.  Don’t personalize the email, you crazy stalker.
3. Do you want them to get a restraining order??
1. THE POINT: no more using first names, last names, surnames, or baby names. Just CC every agent in the industry. Keep it generic. They like that kind of thing. It makes them think you’re professional.

2. YOUR BOOK IS TOO SHORT 
1. You really think you can tell a story in 50-100,000 words?
1. You obviously know nothing about the literary industry. (Have you even SEEN the 7^th Harry Potter book??) (Have you??)
2. Good books dive into details. LOTS OF DETAILS.
3. DON’T CUT WORDS. You have to savor every saturated syllable in every silky sultry letter you use to describe the 15 varying variations of the differentiated differences in the different shades of silvery symmetry in the cascading currents of the Caribbean sunset. Maybe note why each one is so unbelievably and unimaginably insignificant, and maybe throwing in a sonnet (iambic pentameter, lest we forget) wouldn’t hurt either.
1. THE POINT: your book needs to be at least 200k. Any shorter and agents will laugh at your ignorance.

3. YOUR FONT IS UNREADABLE (this is a real word) 
1. Times New Roman, guys? Seriously??
1. You need to stand out. Be unique! Creative! Show off your personality! Try something new!
2. Also: black is so BLAH. Font colors should be sharp and vibrant! The brighter the font, the easier it is to read. See?? <-----
3. Papyrus! Lucida sans Unicode! Comic sans MS! Futura! Bell Gothic bold! (Maybe make your own handwriting!)
1. THE POINT: with so many font colors and options available, why do what everyone else is doing?? Be MEMORABLE! (Fuchsia STENCIL STD is my fave.)

4. YOU NEVER SPECIFIY WHAT TYPE OF NOVEL YOU’RE WRITING 
1. This one should be obvious, guys, SERIOUSLY.
1. Is it a FICTION novel?
2. Is it a non-fiction novel?? 
3. Is it a memoir novel?
1. THE POINT: be specific. Fiction novels are VERY different from non-fiction novels/memoir novels/photography novels/biography novels/picture-book novels/etc.

5. IT DOESN’T RHYME 
1. Everyone knows that rhyming-things are more catchy, and consequently, less likely to be forgotten.
1. If your query doesn’t rhyme, you’re not doing it right. Not really.
2. It helps if you choose words that end in –end (more things rhyme with this.)
3. Random example:

My novel is made of fiction, 

my fiction is made of words.

My words are filled with diction,

my prose is made of turds (insert: genius).

The story is about a sailor,

the sailor goes on a trip.

The story is about a sailor 

and the whale who eats his ship. 

Etc. etc. 

1. THE POINT: see how much better rhyming-queries read? The query possibilities are endless!

THE FINAL POINT:

Don’t be bothered to read query guidelines and/or rules and/or restrictions and/or regulations. Guidelines are for geeks. (And you don’t want to be shoved in a locker, DO YOU??) (DO YOU????) Let your TRUE personality shine through your query letters. CALL the agents at their offices, maybe even their cell phones. (They might like the sound of your voice, because hey! Maybe your voice is sexier than your words? Work with what you’ve got!) ALSO: Drop in unannounced as much as possible, (maybe with a bouquet of long-stemmed roses??) because agents want friends just as much as you want a book deal. If you show them you really care, it’ll prove how dedicated you are to your craft, and they’ll be sure to respond more quickly. More $$$$$$$ literary pleasure for you!!

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!

Send your dream agent that personalized mug full of granola bars/bleached flour/stale valentine’s day candy/personal care products/love note/your phone number!!

AGENTS ARE WAITING FOR YOU!

In conjunction with NEAT TIP! Nes-day, this post is sponsored in part by Query-YES! Copyright © 2010 Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all materials on these pages are copyrighted by Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of these pages, either text or image may be used for any purpose other than personal use. Therefore, reproduction, modification, storage in a retrieval system or retransmission, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, for reasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibited without prior written permission. 

SERIOUSLY. We'll hunt you down. We're not even joking a little bit.   

Query-YES! is the only way to guarantee SUCCESS! 

www.query-yes!dotcom

QUERY-YES WILL CHANGE YOUR QUERYING-LIFE FOREVER

Are your query letters just not cutting it? Are rejections piling up in your inbox? At the mailbox? Are your superbly-crafted queries just. not. garnering the interest you expected? Are you sad? Are you very sad? Do you find yourself sitting in front of your computer hitting the 'refresh' button so many times you've developed carpal-tunnel? Do you experience unexpected bouts of self-deprecating thoughts? Do you have too many cats and not enough ice cream? Do you ever find yourself feeling so low that you've actually considered revising your query letter? Or even the forbidden revision of your manuscript?? Have agents lied about the effectiveness of rhetorical questions??

Well, today everything is going to change, because I have the solution to all of your query-woes.

For the low, low introductory price of $19.99 a day, I'll fill your inbox with Query-YES! a new development in the literary world that is going to change everything about the way we work. With Query-YES! you'll never struggle for that perfect opening line, or even an attempt at defining your genre. Genre is so subjective as to be meaningless these days, and agents know this. They're query guidelines are so full of so full of typos and grammatical erros that they can't even be trusted. But Query-YES! is on your side. 

Every day, Query-YES! will drop a new, customizable query letter into your inbox. These query letters have been tested by everyone I know, and even my parents have approved of them!  (And we all know how tough parents can be, don't we?) With this airtight success-rate, Query-YES! is sure to land you the literary agent of your dreams! So what are you waiting for? Order Query-YES! today!

Query-YES! is the only way to guarantee SUCCESS! 

www.query-yes!dotcom

Continue reading for a free sample of Query-YES! solutions! 
(Query-YES! is a division of T. H. Mafi, Inc.)       >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>

>>>Dear AGENT [sir/madam/snickerdoodle/insert endearment of choice]:

>>>My name is the one you’ve been dreaming of. My face haunts you in your sleep (see attached). My fingers type sweet nothings into your inbox, and you’ve been fighting the urge to offer me representation for some time now. I’ve written to provide you with the relief you need. I’ve written, to tell you, [sir/madam] (this includes all 5,000 of you I’ve CC’d, just so you know this email has been personalized), that the time has come for you to cast-off your fears, and welcome me into your heart, your office, your home, and maybe your bed (are you single?).

>>My current work-in-progress (which I’m certain you’ll absolutely adore once it’s finished) is something of an anomaly. The world has never seen anything quite like it, actually. If I were forced against my better judgment to describe it, I’d have to call it a healthy mix of fantasy, mystery, romance, science-fiction, action-adventure, epic narrative non-fiction, something about a forbidden ruby, a magic lamp, a flying carpet -- oh wait, wait, sorry, that was something else. No, my novel has a special ring, preciousssssss, some tiny hobbits -- oh, oh, oh dear, sorry, that was another book, wasn’t it? My apologies. (I’m obviously very well-read.) The truth is, that in addition to the aforementioned list, my novel features a fairy-boy who exudes sweat-bead-reminiscent-sparkly-skin in the sunlight. The plot will follow his insatiable need to eat a non-fairy girl. She will, at one point, beg him to eat her.

>>>>>>>I assure you that there is something quite forbidden in the novel. (Like forbidden love, perhaps.) Someone has no powers and will discover that, actually, he/she has an incredibly well hidden family tree tattooed on his/her back that includes a note about the powers he/she will acquire at the tender age of 16. The story will also involve some kind of sophisticated-power amulet. To make matters more thoroughly spellbinding, someone will discover a stone with inherent magical abilities. There will be a character who simply appears at random to serve no other purpose than to provide unquantifiable and otherwise irrelevant information. The protagonist will consequently learn a special, ancient art form of kung-fu while struggling to understand herself and simultaneously save the world. She and her breath-takingly-jaw-achingly-heaven-scentedly-swoon-inducingly-inhumanly-gorgeous Love Interest will live happily-ever-after. (OR DO THEY??)

>>>I’m sure that you are desperate for this letter to end so that you may hit ‘Reply’ and offer me immediate representation. But [sir/madam], I can be of some comfort when I reassure you that there is plenty of time for our relationship to blossom and begin.

>First, I must tell you more about my ideas for the future. Alongside the photo I took of myself this morning (my very enticing ‘come hither’ look was inspired almost entirely by you) I’ve attached my rendition of what I am firmly convinced must be the cover of this book. You may have already wet your pants (don’t be embarrassed) in anticipation of the wonder that is my soon-to-be-completed-fiction-novel-of-literary-genius, but do not fear; I will not judge you for using the bathroom in your khakis so unexpectedly. It is, in fact, to be expected, once you begin to fathom the earth-shattering success and unprecedented amounts of money my book will undoubtedly acquire. Not to worry, [sir/madam], I will be here to hold your hand throughout the process. But enough about you, and back to me. (I will, after all, be the mastermind of this wildly lucrative under-taking.)

>>>>>>>>>>>>Born and raised in the heart of a world no other would ever be able to understand and/or appreciate, the life of this troubled author was never easy, nor shall it ever be easy, nor do I think anyone will ever be able to understand what it is, exactly, I endure on a daily basis. My mind is so often wracked with rhythm and blues, red and black hues, surreptitious cues to peruse the delicately crafted muse of my heart. Do not confuse my unique issues with those odious few who think they are shrewd enough to compete with my art. It is simply impossible. I am an inventor an exemplary contender in this sedentary standstill stuck in this static stoic state of sadistic sobriety we call life. I am a collector a connector a catalyst for consensual collaboration connected in cooperation with creators of creational recreational conversational banter. I am a master of sensation and unforeseeable syntactical salvation, I am a mother a father a sister a daughter an either an other an ordinary utter of a broken-hearted brother. I am everything you’ve ever dreamed of in a client. This much should be obvious by now.

>>!!>!>>>Calm, now, [sir/madam], you must be calm. Do not cry for fear of losing me. I have enclosed the entirety of my unfinished fiction novel, saved in a .docxerrorformat006tr0xx for your convenience. I will grant you one week to look over my manuscript in order to ensure the 32-point Papyrus font is to your liking. I have no doubt you will shed tears, blood, and copious amounts of hair upon reviewing my work. You may, in fact, lose an eye or two. I feel it necessary to warn you now.

>>>I will be waiting at home, taking photos of myself in the mirror, thinking of you the entire time I wait for your response. Please do not forget to mention your gender in your reply, and whether or not you are available for a committed, long-term relationship. I am devoted to my craft. This much is reflected in my life, and it will be reflected in our soon-to-be concretized relationship.

>You may thank me for my time.

Oh to love, to love, to love,

To love me is not a crime.

To love, to love, to love,

I’ll stalk you until you’re mine.

>>>Sincerely,

Soon-to-be-rich-and-famous-and-happily-secured-in-a-monogamous-relationship-author@gmail.com

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Copyright © 2010  Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved.

Unless otherwise indicated, all materials on these pages are copyrighted by Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of these pages, either text or image may be used for any purpose other than personal use. Therefore, reproduction, modification, storage in a retrieval system or retransmission, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, for reasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibited without prior written permission. 

SERIOUSLY. We'll hunt you down. We're not even joking a little bit.   

Query-YES! is the only way to guarantee SUCCESS! 

www.query-yes!dotcom

Querying 201

You’ve finished your novel and wrote a kick ass query letter—congratulations! Now you just have to find the right agent for it. Before you mass query and CC everyone in the publishing industry (and earn the shiny reputation of Mass Query Spammer Extraordinaire), here are a few things you should know.

Revise, Revise, Revise

Agent Rachelle Gardner (@RachelleGardner on Twitter) tweeted the following yesterday: Often, “I just finished my 1st book” means the writer typed “The End” on their first draft LAST NIGHT. Don’t. Do. This. If you can, put your baby—um, novel—away for a few days then pull it out and read over it with fresh eyes. Find the method of editing that’s best for you and get to it. Your book not in the best shape you think it can be? Revise and edit again. Once you’re pleased with your work, send it to beta readers and prepare yourself for more edits based on their comments.

Research . . . Seriously

A cupcake shop doesn’t want several customers coming in daily looking for hot wings (yeah, I had to make a food reference) and the same thing goes with agents. There are so many resources online and even available for checkout or purchase at your local library or bookstore to help you with your agent hunt. Visit sites like Query Tracker and Agent Query to find agents who represent your genre. Go the extra mile by looking them up on Google and checking out any interviews they’ve had that list their preferences. It’s also important to only query agents who are open for submission.

Hit Send!

Send a few queries out. When I queried, I sent five to seven queries a week, sometimes even less. Be professional and polite. If you’ve met the agent at a conference or held a casual chat with them on Twitter, personalize your query letter and mention it. It’s a good idea to keep a list of the agents you’ve queried and their response. Being an Excel nerd, I kept a detailed list with comments, etc. Do what’s right for you.


Watch What You Write!

Agents are people, too, and your book may not be right for everyone. Avoid making negative comments on forums and social networking sites about agents who reject you or take a little more time responding because it’s not only a turn off for that particular agent but other agents. Plus, even though this novel wasn’t perfect for them, another book might be. If you query them again for a different project, they may be reluctant to request your work.

Original post published on Old People Writing for Teens by GotYA contributor Stephanie Jenkins. To view the original post and reader comments, please click here.

Kathleen wants to be in like Molly (cause she got the prom date)

Querying. I swear it’s like being back in high school. Prom is a month away and I still don’t have a date. When I finally screw up my courage and ask the guy who sits next to me in art class, he says he’s asked a girl who’s thinking about it—if she says no, maybe he’ll keep me in mind.

Maybe.

Forget getting on the field. I can’t even get on the bench with the rest of the backups.

Okay –it’s not that bad. I’ve had interest and nudges, winks and flirtatious smiles, but I’m still waiting for that elusive email or call. The one that says: I want to go with you. And, while I wait for that, I’ve increasingly been having flashbacks to the hell that was dating in high school.

Fortunately, there are ways to deal with the angst and I’ve jotted them down in a handy list format.

Support from my betas. I had wonderful comments from them and re-reading those cheers me up immensely. The fact that one of them has thought of rereading my little manuscript makes me all happy and teary.

Friends and family. They love me so I know they’ll put up with an occasional Bridget Jones’ angst. Heck, if it’s a choice between dating angst and agent angst, they’ll probably pick the agent.

Absolute Write. Because EVERYONE who has tried to get an agent has gone through this.

The gym. Endorphins. Enough said.

Pretty in Pink, Some Kind of Wonderful, and Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. All movies where the underdog comes out on top.

Falling in love with a new project.

So what about you? What picks you up when you’re in the query doldrums?

Agent Survey – NaNo Style!

A couple weeks ago, I emailed several agents with the following question:

Do you see an uptick in year-end queries because of people’s participation in NaNoWriMo?

The results?

Eh. It was just about a 50/50 split between yes and no. But, there was a really good discussion post. Basically, querying comes after lots of editing, not after lots of writing.

I also had a few thoughts to leave you with:

1) Sample size is crucial in surveys…and my sample size was pretty small, given the total number of agents out there.
2) One agent speculated that the uptick she saw might be related to people having time off of work, therefore giving them more time to query.
3) My own theory is that an increase in year-end queries could also be attributed to people fulfilling their New Years resolutions. I know I never remember my resolutions until December…

Thanks to the agents who responded, and good luck to those of you who’ll turn into writing machines November 1, 2009

Original post published on Old People Writing for Teens by GotYA contributor Holen Matthews. To view the original post and reader comments, please click here.

KRISTA’S LOOK AT QUERYING THROUGH THE MOVIES!

Ah, the “Q” word—the word that strikes fear and loathing into unagented writers everywhere. The dreaded query. Books are written about how to write the perfect one, agents blog about the right and wrong way, and writers spend hours and shed blood and tears in places like Query Letter Hell over in Share Your Work on Absolutewrite.

Well, this isn’t another “How To Post”….instead it’s a look at querying through some famous movie quotes. So cue the theme to Chariots of Fire as we take a stroll through film.


“May the Force Be With You”—Star Wars

Whatever your own personal beliefs are, you are going to have to cling to something to make it through the query game unscathed. Querying is not for the faint of heart, and it’s trying both emotionally and physically. You need a good support system of family and friends. Writing buddies are extremely helpful because of the old “been there, done that” adage.

“If You Build It, He Will Come”—Field of Dreams

You’ve written your literary masterpiece—toiled long hours, edited, revised, and reworked. And you’re ready to send it out into the world of agents and publishers. It doesn’t matter if you’ve written the next Gone with the Wind or Harry Potter. If your query letter doesn’t shine, your book is never going to see the light of day. So, it is the hope of every query writer that they will build the perfect query letter that will interest a dream agent.

“What We Have Here Is a Failure to Communicate”—Cool Hand Luke

You’ve just fired off ten to twenty of the query to end all queries. Now it’s time to sit back and field the massive requests. But then it happens. Your inbox represents tumbleweeds blowing in the wind.

Yes, it is inevitable that some agents you query will be non-responders. So, no matter how many times you refresh your inbox, potentially giving yourself Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, it won’t matter. They will simply not reply. You must resign yourself to take a couple of deep breaths and step away from the computer.

“As God Is My Witness, I’ll Never Go Hungry Again!”—Gone With the Wind

After several rejections, it’s tempting to throw up your hands and say, “As God Is My Witness, I’ll Never QUERY Again!” However, you can’t do that. You gotta persevere and keep on keeping it on! You’ll never land an agent without querying, and you’ll never land a publishing deal without an agent—unless you call go small publishing route.

“Stay Classy, San Francisco”—Anchorman

Sometimes after receiving a rejection, it’s tempting to fire off a not so “classy” response to the agent. You know a real acid filled rant about why your literary masterpiece SHOULD have been for them. But you gotta take the higher road and listen to Ron Burgundy. Yep, that’s right, STAY CLASSY!

“No Matter What Anyone Tells You, Words and Ideas Can Change the World”—Dead Poets Society

Cue, the music to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”….Yes, you gotta keep believing that the words and ideas that you wove into your story are worthy, and they will mean something to more than just you. It starts when you get those first crits back from Beta readers, and you realize, “Hey, I might just be on to something here!” We all have those books, those movers and shakers, that changed our life.

“We’re Not Worthy!”—Wayne’s World

Yeah, I’ll admit that it’s tempting to get a little star struck when querying. From the uber-famous agents to the not so famous, we seem to forget that agents are people, too. Just remember that you are worthy and your work is worthy to query any agent out there!

So go forth and query!!! And GOOD LUCK!!!

Original post published on Old People Writing for Teens by GotYA contributor Krista Ashe. To view the original post and reader comments, please click here.

Cardinal Query Sins

I am not an agent. I do not have an agent. I did once talk to an agent on the phone. I babbled. My cousin happened to be with me at the time (we were having lunch) and, afterward, said I hadn’t looked that nervous since I decided to ask Brent C to the eighth grade formal dance.

All of this is a roundabout way of telling you that I am completely unqualified to give query advice. That won’t, however, stop me from presenting you with my list of TOP TEN CARDINAL QUERY SINS (I figured it deserved capital letters).

Start off with a rhetorical question. I’m not saying they can never work but enough agents hate them that you’re probably better off steering clear.

Mention movie potential. Mentioning series potential is debatable (I think it’s fine for certain genres, others disagree) but mentioning movie potential is definitely the sign of an amateur. Concentrate on selling the agent on your book.


Mention that another agent passed but said your character, plot, premise (insert item of choice) was great. You’d think this one would be common sense but, alas, not always.

Use the words “fiction novel” (science fiction novel, however, is fine). I’ve read this in more than one query and it sets my teeth on edge.

Tell the agent that this is your first book. Good agents are sharp (and , hopefully, you’re only querying good agents). When you don’t list your publishing credits, they’ll figure things out.

Quote your characters. Don’t. Just don’t.

Compare your novel to Twilight.

Waste space on irrelevant details. You don’t have to tell the agent that you love to write or that you have a blog about kittens (unless your book is about cats). The goal of your query is to interest an agent enough to read your pages. Always ask yourself if the details you are including work towards that goal.


Begin with “Dear Agent/Sir or Madame”. You spent year(s) working on your manuscript. For the love of 12 point Times New Roman, take a few seconds to properly address the query letter. And, for the love of Courier, don’t Cc other agents when you send it. One agent. One letter. One email.

I leave up you, faithful commentators. What’s your cardinal query sin?

Original post published on Old People Writing for Teens by GotYA contributor Kathleen. To view the original post and reader comments, please click here.

The Great Agent Search

Hello there everybody! My name’s Amy, and I’m one of the contributing bloggers here on OPWFT. Many of you are on that seemingly never-ending search for a dream agent I’m sure, and I wanted to share with you my personal journey that led me to mine.

When I finished my novel The Tortures of Blight, the first thing I did was go out to my good old Barnes and Noble and buy the 2009 Novel Writer’s Market to see what I was supposed to do next. It was within these pages that I realized if I really wanted to build a steady career from writing, (eventually of course- getting published is only the icing on the cake) I would need to write this weird thing called a query letter in order to snag another weird thing called a literary agent. The book vaguely outlined how a query letter should look, and I whipped out a very, very horrible draft of one. Of course, I had no idea how horrible it was and promptly sent it out to a completely random agent that was listed within the Writer’s Market. Now, it’s important that you know my query broke just about every single rule in the book. I groveled, I begged, and I spent about two paragraphs telling the agent that even though I am not a published writer, I have passion and have been writing since I was small and have always loved books and yada yada yada yada.

I didn’t include my word count. I didn’t include the names of my characters. I didn’t describe the plot. I simply spent a whole page giving away the fact that I did very little research on what a query letter should really look like and included three thank yous for the agent’s time. (Yes, three. I believe the exact sentence was ‘Thank you, thank you, and thank you again, so much, for your time.’ WOW just reading that over again is quite embarassing, but I’m here to show you all the warts I guess.)

Needless to say, in the ignorance of being a newbie I had hope that my (one) query letter would snag a request and I’d be seeing my completely unrevised novel in print very soon. Yes, I was even silly enough to believe that I wouldn’t have to make many revisions, if any. Tee hee, right?

Imagine the heartbreak when two weeks later, my SASE was returned to me holding only my original query with the words ‘Not for me’ written in very impatient handwriting at the bottom corner. That’s right, I didn’t even get my own piece of paper for the rejection. It was so bad that she just wrote on the query. I can’t say I blame her, but of course I cried and cried and thought that I would never find an agent and that all hope was lost.

Sob story aside, something amazing came from that slap in the face. My shame drove me to actually research the agents I was sending to, which lead me to the website Absolute Write, which lead me to what is lovingly dubbed as Query Letter Hell- a blunt and often stinging critique forum for query letters. My original query was torn to shreds immediately, as were the fifteen or so drafts that followed. After seven months of revising the letter and 60 rejections, I received my first and only request for a full. All the horrible emotional lows I had experienced for the past seven months were made worth it in about ten seconds when I got that magic email asking if my now agent could call me on the phone to talk about my manuscript.

The journey was insane, but I learned many important lessons. Among them, I learned that nothing in this ‘business’ is set in stone. What many agents may love, others may loathe, especially in the querying process. Well meaning critiquers will make suggestions that will hurt, not help, your query letter. Others will make suggestions that save the whole thing altogether. In the end, there is only you and your work. Rejections have absolutely no reflection to your quality of writing, and although they are very discouraging at times you must never let them define you. Agents are people too, people with likes and dislikes and personal interests. They are NOT robots who scan a letter and have the magic ability to automatically deem something ‘worthy’ or ‘not worthy.’ Everyone’s journey is unique.

It’s been crazy so far, but I just got my revisions in the mail today and am excited to better the manuscript. I’ll keep you all updated on how submitting goes, and I hope everyone has an amazing day!

Original post published on Old People Writing for Teens by former OPWFT contributor Amy. To see the original post and reader comments, please click here.