Friday Funnies

Just because we're easily amused....

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Happy Friday from GotYA. Try not to get eaten over the weekend.

The faces of writing

Let's set up a scenario.

You're at a party. But not a wild party where people are doing keg stands and beating each other up with staves made of beer cans people making out on the sofa. More like one of those awkward coworker/step family/in-laws parties that make talking to a doorknob sound like a better night.

(Something like this)

So in a brief moment of mingling with others, the question is asked.

"So, what do you do in your spare time?"

Awkward situation more awkward. It's not awkward because of you, but because you know the moment you say that you're a young adult writer, their face turns from this :) to this : /

Why exactly? No one knows. It's a mystery.

It's also frustrating.

The stats on the young adult genre has shot up over 80% in the last two years. That's something to be proud to be a part of. Yet there are always those people that look at you like you've grown a third arm out of your stomach. Polite smile, averted eyes. End of convo and mingling leads to another person who does the same thing.

So naturally, I prefer to make my blog posts flooded with humorous pictures AND writerly knowledge.

With lolcats.

4 Faces From People When Telling Them You're A Writer

1.) The blank stare

No caption needed to explain this one.

2) The serious face

This is the most awkward of all as those piercing eyes stare into your soul, questioning your career decisions, and ready to leap into lecture mode.

Why didn't I go into business again, you ask? Uhh, I can't remember now over how small I'm feeling.

3) A genuine smile

These, for my personally, are rare. Not a lot of people are actually interested in hearing about anything past 'Young Adult Genre,' which is just plain sad. But there are the few that are respectful and attentive, actually interested in your story.

4) The laughing until they realize you're serious face















Worst. Face. Ever.

Nows the part where I ask readers if this has ever happened to them. What was the worst? Do you get it often or do most people seem to accept it easily?

Wherein I Take The Fun Out Of Fantasizing

I’m a planner. I outline my books, I schedule my vacations, and I already know what I’m going to with my advance when (not if) I get an agent and sell my book.


Kristin Nelson’s blog really helped me out with this. She has three -make that four- posts that you should be reading on the topic.

First, and most recently, advances are hard to predict.
Second, you don't get it all at once.
You'll need to pay taxes on it at some point.

So here's my scenario. Let's say that I get an advance of 18K. Kristin Nelson threw out 25K, but I suspect those few six-figure deals skew the average, since she listed the usual range as lower. I'd be curious to see the median advance for each of those genres...

Back to the 18K. Say I get it in three parts. Now I'm down to chunks of 6K. Taxes will vary depending on your other income, and also on how big your advance is (Consult a professional!). But I think just for the purposes of idle daydreaming, witholding a third is a nice even chunk, and would end up being more than enough for me. So that takes me down to three chunks of 4K.

I think I'd set aside half of that to spend on writing related stuff - website, going to a conference, buying goodies to give away on the blog for promotion, a Nook...whatever.

This leaves me with 2K.

I'd like to tell you that I'd take my girls to Disneyland, or that I'd do something fun, but really, I'd pop that into the bank. It's nice to have an emergency slush fund because life happens. Car breaks, your kid goes to the ER, or maybe a family member picks a destination wedding and suddenly you have to spend a lot of cash or risk being branded as cheap and unsupportive :)

Because of all this, Kristin's fourth post makes a lot of sense. Don't quit your day job. Money matters - especially if you run out of it.

-Holen

Rejection-YES!

From: Rejection-YES! in collaboration with Query-YES! (a division of T. H. Mafi, Inc.)

To: AGENTS

Cc: EDITORS

Bcc: WRITERS

Subject: FWD: Fwd: RE: re: Re: Rejection-YES!

>>Agents!

>>>>>Do you need to spice up your rejection letters? Are your form responses reading a bit routine and dry? Do you miss the early days of the query-system and wonder what happened to handwritten thank-you-letters and honest communication and a cyber-world without stalkers? Are you bombarded by angry authors’ saccharine-sealed syringes of verbal vitriol and vindictive verses of angst and outrage? Are you tired of writers bad-mouthing you on the internet-magic-stream-of-information??

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A SNEAK PREVIEW OF THE REJECTION-YES! SUBSCRIPTION:

7 WAYS TO SPICE UP YOUR FORM REJECTION:

1. Try new things. Maybe use an endearment you’d normally feel too shy to employ? Agents: Insecurity is not attractive. Writers are attracted to confidence. Don’t be afraid to say what you’re really feeling. (Examples: Snickerdoodle, Snookie, The Situation, or Spider-monkey.) Maybe even include a picture of yourself. Do something very out of the ordinary and try something new with your writer. Spontaneity breeds longevity.

2. Talk to each other about what you want. If you want more action-adventure, tell the writer. If you want more mystery and fantasy, tell the writer. If you want to spend more time reading the kissy-kissy scenes, then tell them that, too. Spend some time really talking about what you like and want, and learning about what the writer likes and wants.

3. Relax together. How much time do you spend running around doing things or working on somethingelse? How much quality time do spend with your query-letters, where you actually read each and every word? If you have kids, get a babysitter. Turn off the phone, close your bedroom door, and just let the stress and demands go for a while. (They’ll still be there later!) A great way to read query-letters is while relaxing in a hot tub or a nice bath (just put your laptop in a Ziploc bag!). Your new, calm, tranquil self will translate into an improved rejection letter, and writers will love you for it!

4. Try something new in the bedroom. Start small if you need to. Change things up just a little bit, then build on that as much as you want. Maybe move your desk closer to the window? Maybe build a newdesk? Maybe buy a new lamp? Whatever you decide to do, be sure to talk about it with your writer so you can both share what you like, or anything you might not be comfortable with. Maybe employ a code word incase one of you gets uncomfortable with the new arrangement?? It helps considerably if you’re both on the same page.

5. Don’t let yourself go. Remember when you used to write those fancy blog posts or tweet those query status updates to catch your writer’s eye or turn his/her/it’s head? Remember when you used to show up in the AbsoluteWrite forums and answer writers’ questions? Remember when you used to call writers and offer them representation all the time?? You don’t have to stop now just because you’re a serious, deal-making agent! Try all those things that you used to do, and learn some new moves as well! Get your groove back!!

6. Play games together. There are lots of contests and even intellectual games you can play together. You can create your own, purchase something else, or use ideas from other people. You can even make up your own rules with fun props! Props are the key!! (Examples: flour, books, mugs, granola bars, long-stemmed roses.)

7. Use your words. The way you talk to your writer can be a fantastic way to spice up your rejection-relationship! Instead of nagging or complaining, try complimenting and admiring. Tell them what you love about them, instead of pointing out all the little things that drive you crazy. What you focus on will expand, so focus on the things you want more of!

These are just a few ideas to get you started. But as you’ve undoubtedly deduced, spicing up your rejection-relationship does not have to be complicated and difficult. Once you try a few things, you’ll probably find that not only is it easy, but it’s also fun and enjoyable. So be prepared to make all your agent-friends wildly jealous of your new rejection-relationships!!

SUBSCRIBE TO REJECTION-YES! TODAY!!

Rejection-YES! is about saying NO to the rest!!

www.Rejection-YES!dotcom

Rejection-YES! is a sister company of Query-YES! Copyright © 2010

Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved.

Unless otherwise indicated, all materials on these pages are copyrighted by Query-YES! T. H. Mafi, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of these pages, either text or image may be used for any purpose other than personal use. Therefore, reproduction, modification, storage in a retrieval system or retransmission, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, for reasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibited without prior written permission. 

SERIOUSLY.

We'll hunt you down. We're not even joking a little bit.   

Query-YES! is the only way to guarantee SUCCESS! 

www.query-yes!dotcom

Querying Blunders: How Not to Query with Agent Holly Root

Yep, it’s that time again. This latest installment of Querying Blunders (aka: How Not to Query) comes to you from SuperAgent Holly Root of Waxman Literary Agency. For those of you who don’t know, Holly reps AW writer Jill Myles, author of the amazing UF Succubus Diaries series. (and while it’s, er, not exactly YA—*fans self*—Jill has a YA on sub right now which we know will totally rock!)

Also, check out client Serena Robar's Giving up the V and the Half-Blood Vampire series, due to be re-released this June!

Now, on to Holly's thoughts on querying no-no's:

"The hardest ones for sure are the drop-by queries. It happens more in the summer and more on Fridays; the door to the agency opens and in walks a wayward soul. "I flew all the way here from [wherever] just to bring this to you," they say, or "I was in town already and just thought I'd try," or "I'm on a layover from Taiwan." Either way, these folks show up, manuscript in hand, and are shocked when our extremely polite assistant does not immediately hand out a contract and set them up with a bag of money from Random House (often, they don't even know who we are or what exactly we do). Save your time, your money, and the cab fare in from JFK--drop-bys get you noticed but not in the good way."

(GotYA note: Wait—you mean, agents don’t have bags of money just sitting around their offices? Curses, our dreams are shattered!)

"I'd say a couple times a year someone tries the bribery road, by offering up the use of their vacation home/timeshare/frequent flyer miles or what have you, or (more frequently) offering the whole advance as commission. Boundaries, they are your friends."

(GotYA note: Although, we bet the vacation home on an island is tempting sometimes. Especially if it comes with free strawberry margaritas.)

"I also see a lot of the classic information that does not help your cause--"my daughter is a very picky reader and she thinks it's amazing;" "everyone always told me I should be a writer;" "I won the third-grade writing award;" "I think it would make a great movie." And a lot of "this book is the new Twilight/Harry Potter/etc." But honestly, I know how hard the whole query process is so while I might pass on a blunderiffic query now, there's absolutely no way I would remember that person negatively if they showed back up in my inbox, having learned a lot about querying and polished all hints of the kooky out of the letter. Every query is a new chance to do it right!"

(GotYA: We love Holly’s upbeat, positive attitude, and ditto this thought. Everyone makes mistakes when they’re first starting out! Just keep learning and plugging away, and you’ll eventually get there. We have faith in you! Also: blunderiffic might be our new favorite word.)

Thanks so much to Holly for participating, and to Jill for setting this up for us! You ladies are amazing!